I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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