He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
