I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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