I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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