I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
