Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
