Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
