she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
