I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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