It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Randomize
