I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
