The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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