i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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