If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
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