Jerry, you need to find god
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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