well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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