youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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