I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
