I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
