You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
