the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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