susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
