It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Randomize
