There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
