But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
