Your tits are I can't wait for
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
