I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
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