just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
