I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
