you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
