He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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