i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
