i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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