if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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