i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
