I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
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I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
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What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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