My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
he had hair everywhere except his balls
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
