yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
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