I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
