I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
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