I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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