i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Randomize
