dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
