I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
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