Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
