Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
