I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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