Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
