All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Congratulations! We have a period
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
