so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
