i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
