i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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