so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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