I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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