I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
