Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Randomize