I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
