I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
