I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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