A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
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Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
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He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
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