hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
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