i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
