guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
