did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
