i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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