im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
It's shark week go big or go home
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
