i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
