Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
