guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
