dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
