so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
