so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
