i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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