So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
