how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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