I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
